Moms Who Vax: Moms Who Vax: "But I Saw it with My Own Eyes!": By Karen Ernst A mother's connection to her children is powerful. She is the first to tell when the baby needs to be fe...
Monday, October 22, 2012
Sunday, October 14, 2012
A new worry...
I had my 42nd birthday last month. Just before my birthday, I went to see my GP for a pap. It had been a couple of years and I've not ever had an abnormal one. This time, I did though. So what is the next step with an abnormal pap? Referred to a specialist, in this case, a gynecologist for a colposcopy and biopsy.
Since it was near the end of the month when I got the referral I had to wait until after the first of October to make the appointment so I'd be able to buy bus tickets. My appointment was set for October 10th. I'm so grateful for technology and the Internet, I was able to complete my registration paper work and history online so I didn't have to show up a half hour early for my appointment to do it.
Like anyone who is inquisitive, I started researching what causes abnormal paps. It would seem the most common cause is infection from HPV. I don't know if I have that though, I've not actually been screened for it, but they are assuming that I have it simply because it is the most common cause. I also looked up information on what a colposcopy is so I'd know what to expect. Of course most of the information is all very clinical so it still left me feeling quite anxious. Basically though, it's an in depth pap, where they view your cervix through a colposcope after applying a vinegar and ascorbic acid solution that allows the abnormal areas to show up white. They can then take a sample of the white cells, a procedure called a biopsy, and send them for testing to the pathology lab. They also use a special spatula to scrape inside the cervix and around on the outside as well to check if there is abnormal cells inside the cervix too.
The week leading up to my appointment, I began having nightmares. Not normal nightmares at all, but things like missing my bus that I needed to take to get to my appointment on time, learning that I have cancer and losing my hair and spending my days throwing up from chemo. Being unable to make meals for my family or do laundry or go shopping or do any of the things that right now are a pain in the posterior, but I guess I take being able to do them for granted.
On the day of my appointment, this past Wednesday, I got up and immediately started getting ready. I couldn't eat, my stomach was doing flip flops and I didn't trust it to be able to keep anything down. They had told me to take ibuprofen prior to coming to ease the cramping would experience during and after. That meant I had to eat something, so I had a couple slices of toast, but I couldn't manage anything else. I got Viktor on the bus to school and sat around trying to kill time before I had to leave. The bus schedule here is so messed up, I had to leave to hours before my appointment time to ensure I'd get there on time. I had it figured out and I left my house about 6 minutes before the bus was due. It only takes a minute or two to walk to the bus stop, but I was jogging there just to give myself that little bit of extra time. That proved pointless because the bus came 5 minutes before it was supposed to; nightmare number one came true. I missed my bus.
I came back and had to refigure everything. Called the doctor's office to let them know what happened and they said that would be fine, I'd only be a few minutes late, they could still see me. Except the next bus, that I made sure to be out there 10 minutes before the bus was due, but it was 11 minutes late. I was able to make the next transfer, but the trains were also late. The one I was supposed to catch, which would get me to the final stop where I'd walk the last mile was supposed to drop me off at 3:21PM. It showed up at the stop at 3:23PM, and I didn't have the means to call and let them know the train was late.
I got off the train, walked as fast as I could to the office, and they were almost not going to let me in that day. I would have made a stink about it, because I was not going to go through this again on another day, not to mention that I had would be wasting the bus tickets for no reason. I was only 5 minutes past the time I was scheduled for (they wanted me there 10 minutes early to sign paper work). But the receptionist talked to the doctors and they agreed to see me. I signed the papers and sat down and waited, anxiously.
After about ten minutes they called me back. Had my weight taken (I've lost three pounds since I was last weighed) my blood pressure and went over my history to make sure everything was correct. Then she left while I disrobed. I waited naked from the waist down for about 15 minutes and the doctor and nurse and a med student entered. It wasn't a large room so it felt really crowded with so many people in it. But they got me set up with my feet in the stirrups, they set up the colposcope and got to work.
They applied the vinegar solution, which was a little burny stingy and immediately started talking about the lesion they could see at 1 o'clock. They saw what they said was some kind of pucker at 11 o'clock, I have no idea what that means. Then came the endocervical scraping. That was unpleasant and felt not unlike having your membranes stripped in the last days of pregnancy in an attempt to stretch the cervix and possibly cause enough irritation to start labor. So the cramping I experienced was very similar to early labor contractions. Then they put a local anesthetic on my cervix and told me to give them a really big, hard cough on the count of three, so I did and that was when she took the biopsy tissue. She then applied something to stop the bleeding, said I would be crampy for a few days and bleeding for 3 or 4 days and to not have intercourse for a couple of weeks and let them know if I developed fever, chills, heavy bleeding or abnormal discharge. They told me they would have the results in 7 to 10 days and would call me with the results and to make an appointment to discuss our strategy. They said I was free to leave, left the room so I could dress and I headed home.
Now it's a waiting game. It's Saturday night, I'm still spotting and the cramping has diminished, but still gets me if I try to do too much. I went to the store with my son, Viktor, to get his Halloween costume yesterday and started bleeding again (it had stopped the night before) and began to cramp pretty badly again. So today I spent most of the day sitting or laying down, except when absolutely necessary. I think the worst thing in the world is waiting. I just want to know what the results are, what happens next and have this thing over and done with, put behind me so I can continue with my life, which is really other people's lives since my purpose is to make sure they are taken care of. But then I keep thinking, they didn't screen me for HPV, they are just assuming I have it since it is the most common cause of abnormal paps and cervical cancer. But what if I don't have it? If I do, this could actually be a regular occurrence for me for the rest of my life. If I don't, it could just be a one off event. I don't even know if I could ask my GP if she still has the sample from my pap done last month and if it could be screened for HPV. I suppose in the long run that part of it doesn't matter, just the results of this and what it means for the near future.
I'm scared, I'm impatient, I don't want to wait. But unfortunately there isn't a lot of option for me. So the soonest I could hear anything is next Wednesday, but I might not hear anything for nearly another week after that, because I'm pretty sure they wouldn't call me on a Saturday so I'd have to wait until the following Monday if I don't hear by next Friday. Ugh! I hate waiting, did I mention that? Yeah, I know this is rambling, but I just took a percocet so I'm a little floopy right now. I think I'm gonna call it a night and get some sleep. My son, Viktor is going to a birthday party tomorrow! It's the first one he's ever been invited to and he is really excited.
I know nobody reads this stuff, so I'm just writing for myself, but when I know the results, I'll still post them just so I have a record somewhere besides in my own head.
Since it was near the end of the month when I got the referral I had to wait until after the first of October to make the appointment so I'd be able to buy bus tickets. My appointment was set for October 10th. I'm so grateful for technology and the Internet, I was able to complete my registration paper work and history online so I didn't have to show up a half hour early for my appointment to do it.
Like anyone who is inquisitive, I started researching what causes abnormal paps. It would seem the most common cause is infection from HPV. I don't know if I have that though, I've not actually been screened for it, but they are assuming that I have it simply because it is the most common cause. I also looked up information on what a colposcopy is so I'd know what to expect. Of course most of the information is all very clinical so it still left me feeling quite anxious. Basically though, it's an in depth pap, where they view your cervix through a colposcope after applying a vinegar and ascorbic acid solution that allows the abnormal areas to show up white. They can then take a sample of the white cells, a procedure called a biopsy, and send them for testing to the pathology lab. They also use a special spatula to scrape inside the cervix and around on the outside as well to check if there is abnormal cells inside the cervix too.
The week leading up to my appointment, I began having nightmares. Not normal nightmares at all, but things like missing my bus that I needed to take to get to my appointment on time, learning that I have cancer and losing my hair and spending my days throwing up from chemo. Being unable to make meals for my family or do laundry or go shopping or do any of the things that right now are a pain in the posterior, but I guess I take being able to do them for granted.
On the day of my appointment, this past Wednesday, I got up and immediately started getting ready. I couldn't eat, my stomach was doing flip flops and I didn't trust it to be able to keep anything down. They had told me to take ibuprofen prior to coming to ease the cramping would experience during and after. That meant I had to eat something, so I had a couple slices of toast, but I couldn't manage anything else. I got Viktor on the bus to school and sat around trying to kill time before I had to leave. The bus schedule here is so messed up, I had to leave to hours before my appointment time to ensure I'd get there on time. I had it figured out and I left my house about 6 minutes before the bus was due. It only takes a minute or two to walk to the bus stop, but I was jogging there just to give myself that little bit of extra time. That proved pointless because the bus came 5 minutes before it was supposed to; nightmare number one came true. I missed my bus.
I came back and had to refigure everything. Called the doctor's office to let them know what happened and they said that would be fine, I'd only be a few minutes late, they could still see me. Except the next bus, that I made sure to be out there 10 minutes before the bus was due, but it was 11 minutes late. I was able to make the next transfer, but the trains were also late. The one I was supposed to catch, which would get me to the final stop where I'd walk the last mile was supposed to drop me off at 3:21PM. It showed up at the stop at 3:23PM, and I didn't have the means to call and let them know the train was late.
I got off the train, walked as fast as I could to the office, and they were almost not going to let me in that day. I would have made a stink about it, because I was not going to go through this again on another day, not to mention that I had would be wasting the bus tickets for no reason. I was only 5 minutes past the time I was scheduled for (they wanted me there 10 minutes early to sign paper work). But the receptionist talked to the doctors and they agreed to see me. I signed the papers and sat down and waited, anxiously.
After about ten minutes they called me back. Had my weight taken (I've lost three pounds since I was last weighed) my blood pressure and went over my history to make sure everything was correct. Then she left while I disrobed. I waited naked from the waist down for about 15 minutes and the doctor and nurse and a med student entered. It wasn't a large room so it felt really crowded with so many people in it. But they got me set up with my feet in the stirrups, they set up the colposcope and got to work.
They applied the vinegar solution, which was a little burny stingy and immediately started talking about the lesion they could see at 1 o'clock. They saw what they said was some kind of pucker at 11 o'clock, I have no idea what that means. Then came the endocervical scraping. That was unpleasant and felt not unlike having your membranes stripped in the last days of pregnancy in an attempt to stretch the cervix and possibly cause enough irritation to start labor. So the cramping I experienced was very similar to early labor contractions. Then they put a local anesthetic on my cervix and told me to give them a really big, hard cough on the count of three, so I did and that was when she took the biopsy tissue. She then applied something to stop the bleeding, said I would be crampy for a few days and bleeding for 3 or 4 days and to not have intercourse for a couple of weeks and let them know if I developed fever, chills, heavy bleeding or abnormal discharge. They told me they would have the results in 7 to 10 days and would call me with the results and to make an appointment to discuss our strategy. They said I was free to leave, left the room so I could dress and I headed home.
Now it's a waiting game. It's Saturday night, I'm still spotting and the cramping has diminished, but still gets me if I try to do too much. I went to the store with my son, Viktor, to get his Halloween costume yesterday and started bleeding again (it had stopped the night before) and began to cramp pretty badly again. So today I spent most of the day sitting or laying down, except when absolutely necessary. I think the worst thing in the world is waiting. I just want to know what the results are, what happens next and have this thing over and done with, put behind me so I can continue with my life, which is really other people's lives since my purpose is to make sure they are taken care of. But then I keep thinking, they didn't screen me for HPV, they are just assuming I have it since it is the most common cause of abnormal paps and cervical cancer. But what if I don't have it? If I do, this could actually be a regular occurrence for me for the rest of my life. If I don't, it could just be a one off event. I don't even know if I could ask my GP if she still has the sample from my pap done last month and if it could be screened for HPV. I suppose in the long run that part of it doesn't matter, just the results of this and what it means for the near future.
I'm scared, I'm impatient, I don't want to wait. But unfortunately there isn't a lot of option for me. So the soonest I could hear anything is next Wednesday, but I might not hear anything for nearly another week after that, because I'm pretty sure they wouldn't call me on a Saturday so I'd have to wait until the following Monday if I don't hear by next Friday. Ugh! I hate waiting, did I mention that? Yeah, I know this is rambling, but I just took a percocet so I'm a little floopy right now. I think I'm gonna call it a night and get some sleep. My son, Viktor is going to a birthday party tomorrow! It's the first one he's ever been invited to and he is really excited.
I know nobody reads this stuff, so I'm just writing for myself, but when I know the results, I'll still post them just so I have a record somewhere besides in my own head.
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