Thursday, November 15, 2012

Musing on current events

I must admit, when the thought that my son has autism first became a possibility to me, I didn’t know much about it. I hadn’t even see ‘Rain Man’ all the way through (I didn’t care for Tom Cruise). When his diagnosis came down, finally, I wasn’t devastated by it, because I had been tossing around the idea in my mind for about a year before we came to figure out where he could be evaluated. Disability didn’t frighten me, I had an older brother with cerebral palsy, what really frightened me was that my son would never speak, would not be able to have friends, would not be able to read, write or go to school. Would never call me momma or tell me he loves me. Basically, that he would not progress beyond where he was at the age of 3 when his diagnosis was first given. However, getting the diagnosis allowed me a path of where to go to do what was best for my son. I suppose to a degree that I am fortunate as they told me he has mild to moderate autistic disorder, so many things may come easier for him then for those children who are more severely effected.

The first year or so after diagnosis were the hardest. We had begun teaching him sign language, even before his evaluation, to help him communicate with us, something he hadn’t been able to do since he was 14 months old. The meltdowns were hard to deal with and I would sometimes end up crying right along with him. I wanted to help him, but I just didn’t know how. As he’s gotten older, his communication skills have improved, the Early Intervention program and Special Education Pre-School were invaluable to me. The therapy we took him to didn’t have as great of an effect, simply because they switched his therapist 3 times in 4 months and every switch meant going back to square one because they disrupted his routine and he didn’t respond well to that disruption. In the end we decided it was too much stress to continue the therapy (having no car and only really available for therapy one day per week made it really difficult and added to an already stressful situation). But I had learned some good tricks to use at home and so I worked with him myself. Teaching him letters, reading to him, painting, coloring and playing with sensory toys and objects.

Amazingly, over time, he improved. He became less sensitive to things that before he couldn’t tolerate at all. He can speak much better and even now, after starting kindergarten, is beginning to use pronouns correctly and making statements in the first person rather then the third person, and his echolalia has diminished. But I wasn’t ever aware of just how much progress he has made, until one day we were watching old videos of him from one, two and three years ago and seeing how different he was. He still seems like the same, happy, sweet, funny little boy he always was, but just like with my older children before him, his progress has been gradual and not really noticeable over time, except by looking back in time at how he was then. Having raised 5 NT children, and still raising my youngest who is autistic, the only difference between the progression they all made, is the length of time it’s taken my youngest to progress. And I’m probably a little more aware of his actual progress then I was with my older children, because with them progress was a given, but that isn’t the case with my youngest child. And constantly watching him and working with him kind of leaves me ‘in the moment’ with him rather then looking at retrospectively to see how far he’s come, until we take the time to watch old home videos and then tears come to my eyes because he has come a long way. Even his meltdowns have diminished, in fact they began to diminish as soon as we had given him a tool to communicate with us. I just didn’t realize they had until I took the time to look back and actually notice. I suppose part of the reason I spend so much time in the present with my son, is because he is my last child. I wasn’t supposed to be able to have him so never expected him to come along. But since he did, I was determined from the moment I first knew about him to spend as much time with him, and give him the best experience in life that I could. Little did I know at the time exactly what that would mean for both of us.

Basically, my son is who he is and has been that way since birth. There isn’t really anything that would make him someone different, and he would be very different without autism. But I wouldn’t want my NT children to be anybody but who they are, so why would I want that for my youngest, just because he is autistic? I think that is the core of everything relating to autism and acceptance. This wonderful, charming, intelligent child, is not a trophy meant for me to show off. They are an individual, meant to be who they are and it isn’t up to me, or anyone else to try and make them someone different. Everyone has their own special talents and skills that they will excel at. My oldest child is a great artist, my youngest has trouble holding a pencil or crayon. However, my youngest as an amazing ear for music and rhythm and has picked up numbers and basic math concepts much quicker then my older NT children. With the proper support and encouragement, he could very well be a music and math prodigy. Of course, I will still love him even if he isn’t, because he is my son. No talent, or lack of talent, or diagnosis for that matter, will change that, nor diminish his value in my eyes.

No comments:

Post a Comment